I am learning many things in Burundi. About myself. And not all of them are easy.
1. I am learning that God has made me patient–what a shock when I look back at myself in my teen years! I was soooo impatient, and so angry! But I can handle the wait here–waits hours long a LOT of the time, and it doesn’t phase me. Praise God He has done this work in me!
2. I am learning that God has made me vulnerable. Last week, I went with a Burundian couple to a Burundian style “discount mall.” I needed a skirt and shoes for a formal occasion. Yet I was surrounded on the walk there and back by stares and comments…it was like I was in a parade and everyone was watching me. It’s an oddity to have a white person in the places I walked through. Some kids were following me, and I thought I’d be friendly and shake their hands. This group was handling me quite hard–it felt like they were trying to see if my skin came off. One girl even sniffed her hand after touching me, like I was a THING. I realized that even going to get a used skirt and shoes was beyond me if I was to do it alone. It made me angry. I have prided myself in all the independent things I’ve been able to do in my life…did you catch that word? Pride…
God has made me unable to do so much as go to get food without being extremely careful. I wonder why He led me to Burundi…an African American would certainly be a better choice than a single 51 year old VERY WHITE person! But God is not answering my why…other than to show me that He operates best through weakness. And I’m definitely walking in weakness.
3. I am learning that I truly love all people, and don’t think much about status. That shocks the Burundians, and they tell me that they love this about me, and are learning from it too. I love children and treat them with respect–this too surprises and teaches them.
4. God is teaching me about trust and love. This is a lifelong journey with Him. Slow but steady. I’ve experienced true rejection in my life. I’ve felt extremely inferior and like I don’t belong. Slowly I’ve learned what He says about me…and gone through a lot of healing. I thought dealing with rejection was done with–that I was healed.
But here, I am DIFFERENT. It is something I face every moment I’m out of the confines of my home. And I have many people who desire to be with me, unfortunately not all for the right motives. It’s very painful as I observe small things they do that give away that their motives aren’t really about who I am, but more on what they can get…whether it be prestige in their friends eyes, or even monetary help. It angers me that I’m used, whether it be people I barely know (or don’t know) trying to take pictures with me and act like they’re my best friend, or those who bring friends over to see me unannounced just to show they have a WHITE friend.
God is showing me that He always has the best motives. He loves me for who I am. He will NEVER remove or even separate me from His love. And I’m learning slowly to truly rely on that. Even Jesus did not trust the heart of man, for He knew what was in man. But He didn’t distance Himself from them–He instead gave them His very life and blood. So I’m learning to trust this One, and I pray I learn how to love like He does.
I’m not sure why God has me in Burundi. He definitely has brought me here, and given me such a love for the people and their culture. I know I am to pray for these people, walk alongside them in love and friendship, and pray this nation. I also know I am to yield all the parts of me that are weak and messy. His grace is sufficient.
Burundi Joy 