Life here is definitely different from being home. Let me try to explain some differences:
- We keep our windows and doors open
There are bars and screens on the windows, as well as the screen doors as a deterrent from theft and mosquitoes.
Pros: It keeps the house at a nice temperature (or more bearable if it is extremely hot). I have an electric fan that works well to help with the heat (it is currently 81, which feels wonderful to me without the fan!). The electricity voltage fluctuates too–so it’s like the fan is randomly changing its settings from low to high and vice versa. But I digress…
Cons: You hear everything outside. Sometimes it can be extremely noisy. It takes getting used to…and I find myself giggling as I hear odd noises that I can only imagine what is happening. Last night it sounded like a car was stuck and people were arguing, then one person was yelling orders and you could hear people collectively yelling (perhaps together pushing the car or lifting it out of a ditch?). Sometimes it melts my heart as I hear a neighbor child singing at the top of her lungs…so it isn’t all bad. Currently I’m hearing a children’s choir practicing for the church performance tomorrow, and it’s beautiful.
2. Whites are seen as wealthy
This is racial truth here.
Pros: Whites are treated with some special care. People are friendly and desire to shake our hands and talk with us. Children swarm and love to shake my hand.
Cons: I am always noticed. I am always being watched when I do anything or go anywhere.
I am very often confronted with people asking for things. Oh how I need wisdom constantly! I try to give small packages of peanuts, maybe a banana. Others ask for money. Since I’m raising money to purchase computers for Discovery School’s special education department, I am being asked by others for computers as well. Some may even try to manipulate me to get what they desire.
Sadly, the people here do not often have the means to help others. The woman above went blind, and was that way for a year, unable to afford to go to the eye doctor. It cost $10 for the examination plus the medicine (although she may need surgery if the medicine does not work, but again, I digress)! The point I’m making is that she waited a year for the examination–which was less than $5!
I have to be honest–I struggle with this. When I eat out, I find myself having greater conflict about the money I’m spending. I need such wisdom. I ask God just what kind of lifestyle He wishes me to have while I’m here–or anywhere for that matter.
This is truly the hardest part of living here. I only want to obey God and do what He desires of me–but I do feel pressured on all sides–to go out with missionary friends and socialize– and to help those with the desires they bring to me, hoping I will help them.
People pleasing is a weakness I often succumb to–and it is sin. What will the missionaries think if I don’t go out with them as often or do things with them? What will the Burundians think if I don’t share my wealth with them when they ask? These thoughts come from pride, guilt and fear within me–not from the Lord. My motivation and operation needs to submit to God, and God alone. I choose to throw the fear, guilt and pride up on the altar, and be a living sacrifice. Over and over, if need be!
I find myself angry that this responsibility is placed on me! But God brought me here for a reason, and it is my job wherever I am to hear and obey Him. Please pray for me in this. All the decisions involved weary me, and I truly need God’s wisdom.
I will be misunderstood. I will be judged. I will not make everyone happy. But I choose to stop paying attention to that–God alone is where I find my worth, for my evaluation and judgment belongs only to Him.
Let me just say: this conflict does not begin and end in Burundi. I challenge you to really pray that God makes you a steward of the wealth He has given you, and that pride, guilt and fear do not get in your way either.
Burundi Joy 