Month: July 2017

 

I have sent my passport in for renewal.  I have taken the yellow fever vaccination; I am working on typhoid orally.  I am going through the things my house, paring down.  I am resting my back as needed and doing core exercises.  I have bought skirts and am incorporating wearing skirts into my life now to be used to it.  I even turned my AC off and handled the heat with fans for a few days, just to see how my body reacted, and if I could sleep with the heat.  I was fine.  I am refining things so that my preparation gets more streamlined and specific.

These are the things I am doing to prepare, above the surface of my life.  But below the surface, God has been working all along.

Last November, as I looked into teaching overseas, I was struggling with a friendship.  I could see repeated red flags in some of my friend’s behaviors , and even spoke out about them, but she wasn’t listening.  One day, my eyes opened to my OWN patterns (the log in my own eye, as scripture puts it).  I had left three different groups in the past few years, dissatisfied. God really opened my eyes to the fact that the only constant in those variables was me.  I started really praying about it and doing some soul searching.

I began to realize I operated with a spirit of rejection about me–I just assumed people were against me, saw me as an outsider; I felt I didn’t fit in.  As I began to read what the Bible had to say over this–I realized that what I was doing and feeling was against the unity of the body.  I was not a team player in the body of Christ–or even in my work as a teacher–I just did my thing to serve God.

The verse that really impacted me was Philippians 1:27, “…that you are standing firm in united spirit and purpose, striving side by side and contending with a single mind for the faith and glad tidings (the Gospel).”  I went to God, repenting and yielding.  I also went to some of the groups I had left and confessed.  I was met with grace.

Strangely enough, at work the next week, people began to include me in things, and even one woman told me she had been shopping God told her to buy me a shirt! God started letting me know that somehow I was giving off an aura of rejection, keeping people at a distance, and IT WAS ME, not them!  I was humbled in a good way.  Since then I’ve been able to testify about this area of my life to others and see God do works in them too!

I know that all these things aren’t happening JUST because I’m going overseas, but I am thankful they are happening BEFORE I go!  Thank You, Lord, that You are working on all of us.  Help us see and face what You have for us to see and face.

 

I started looking into what I need to do next to prepare for Africa.  I need to begin shots, as some need to be taken 6 months apart.  I need to renew my passport as well.  I need to get good health insurance targeted for overseas.  I began working through all that yesterday.  I started an email thread with my cousins involving questions I have.  How do I send the stuff I desire to bring?  And exactly what should I bring?

I hurt my back somehow from my trip to Washington state.  I slept on an airbed there that may have compromised it.  I drove 32 hours home with a stick shift without cruise control and that may have contributed!  Whatever the case, I went to a chiropractor yesterday and found out two of my vertebrae are degenerating.  There was nothing he could do to help, and I have an appointment today with my regular Dr. to see what they recommend.

I did injure my back pretty severely in the lumbar region when I was 19 and a nurse’s aide.  Through the years I’ve babied it when it begins to hurt again, and it gets better.  I just figured this time would be the same thing–only with a chiropractor’s help.  Needless to say, I was a little surprised.

Doubts started swirling in, and I realized this morning that I was in some kind of spiritual attack.  So, I decided to hit it head on.

Back injury:

What if this back injury doesn’t go away?

What if it keeps me from going to Burundi?

Answer: God has led me thus far.  He will continue to lead.  Whether it is Africa or White Oak, Texas, God will lead me.  I yield to that–I only ask for His glory to be shown.  Regardless.

Finances:

What if this injury causes me to be unable to do my job?

What if in the long run, I can’t support myself?

Answer: God has led me thus far.  He will continue to lead.  Whether it is a life of pain, a hospital bed, or heaven, God will lead me.  I yield to that–I only ask for His glory to be shown.  Regardless.

Peace resettled.  The swirling stopped.  Praise God!

 

 

When I first looked into serving overseas, I wondered how I would go about funding it. At first, the places I looked did partial to full funding, but they were working with the wealthy of the nation, and I wanted to work with the everyday people. What I feel led to is totally up to me to support.  I prayed about it, talked with my parents, my church, my financial advisor.

My Pastor was amazing.  Even though I’ve not even been at Treasure Church for a year, they are willing to be my sending church. We are working through the legalities of all that to satisfy the IRS.  I was so surprised and thankful to the Lord!

I also do not know how long I will actually be in Burundi.  I have committed to a year, but if God says it’s home, I’ll stay longer.  If it isn’t home, I’m not even sure where I’ll return to-Texas, or Washington, where my parents and extended family live.  And then I’ll have to get a job again…

So a lot of questions are still unanswered.  Not to mention others:  Will I handle the heat well?  Will I handle dresses/skirts most the time?  Will I be able to pick up the language while I’m there?  Will I develop deep and lasting relationships?  These are but a few of the questions at this stage, but it will get even more specific as I continue this year:  What will I bring?  What will I do with what I leave behind?

I have options for my dog, cat, and car, but nothing is set in stone.  In fact, more is unknown than known at this point!  But then there’s the peace, and the knowledge that I’m not alone-the All Knowing God of this universe is with me and will guide me.  It’s actually very relieving.

In all honesty–the location of where we are isn’t as important as being surrendered to what His purpose is.  He can use us anywhere!  I’m just floored that He is fulfilling this desire within me that I never thought would come true.  Maybe it was there all along because it was His desire too!

 

Discovery School in Burundi was begun 9 years ago by my cousin and his wife, Jesse and Joy Johnson. They have three growing boys.  Here is some information on their goals for the school (from their facebook page Discovery School Burundi:

First—To share the gospel clearly with all the children that attend our school and all family members who attend school functions. 

Second—To help Burundi’s children (and by extension the country at large) by offering them a quality education (as close to the top level available in Burundi as possible, but at a fraction of the cost of the top level schools). This will consist of raising up a group of children with good critical thinking skills (noticeably lacking from the local educational systems) and the ability to speak English (a skill that will open a world of resource and business opportunities for them since Burundi has just joined the East African Community).

Third—To help Burundi’s workforce (and by extension the country as a whole) by offering salaried positions and by providing free training to those we hire (expanding their knowledge of the world, their critical thinking skills, and their ability to speak English as well as their knowledge of pedagogy).

Fourth—To create a self-sustaining, for-profit venture that assists the Emmanuel Churches in their operations and builds their outreach capacity.

Fifth—To create a place where English-speaking visitors can impact Burundi’s children through education.

They have a fantastic website as well, giving a lot of specifics regarding volunteer travel information, which you can access here. I am very excited to be working alongside my cousins and nationals in Burundi!

 

I have lived in Washington, Africa, Oregon, Iowa, Illinois, Ohio, and Texas.  Each move was a new experience and struggle!  I have often felt like I lose my identity when I move and have to start all over.  It causes loneliness for a while until I develop those new relationships that ground me.  I wish I could say that my identity in the Lord is all I need. But God made me relational and having relationships has a huge impact on me.

When I was 9 years old, my brothers and I were sent to boarding school in Africa.  We lived there for 3 months at a time, coming home for a month in between each quarter. This was a half a day’s drive away (or a plane ride), so it wasn’t like I saw my parents during the time at school.  That was extremely difficult for me, and I often think that each move takes me back there.  My earliest coping with it was saying, “Girl, you gotta take care of yourself.  No one else will.”  But God has stepped into that place and filled me with His presence.  I am never alone!  He is with me and guides me.

So, with all that said–why would I leave a continent full of family and friends to head to the unknown?  It is that trust that God is guiding me, and He is with me.  I only want to be in the center of His will and purpose.  Everywhere I live.  I’m not on this earth to have a warm feeling of family and friends.  Those are definitely added blessings, which I value highly.  But I have learned that living in the center of His will is the place where I belong, where everything is complete in me.

How do I know that I’m in the center of His will? That is something I am finding is tailor made for me.  He does it differently with everyone else.  But for me, I sense His nudging and His peace.  As I follow His nudging more and more, it becomes even more strong and clear.  Something I just know within myself but know also that it is coming from outside myself!

So…as I felt His nudging in looking into teaching in Africa, I started to hunt online and would get discouraged, not finding peace in any direction.  Until someone started to share how stupid it was for missionaries to go to Africa.  How it is the most Christian continent on the earth, how the people fake Christianity to get in on the wealth of the western world.

At that point I went home and cried, doubting that God was leading me at all.  I sent an email to my Pastor, surrendered it all, and prayed.  And that very day, as I sought to hear and look again, I found two places my Aunt had mentioned months prior that I hadn’t seriously looked into.  Within days I was in communication with both places, and within weeks I KNEW I’d found the sweet spot of God’s direction for me.

Oh, the relief and joy of finding that place! And the delight in realizing He cares about all the desires of my heart–as I yield them all to Him.

 

 

Who am I? This is a tricky question–maybe for everyone!

I was born in Yakima, Washington.  My Mom, Dad, and two brothers were at church every time the doors opened.  I grew up knowing I was going to hell when I died, and that if I believed in Jesus to save me from my sins, I would be saved from that end result. I chose not to commit myself to the Lord until I was 7 years old. At that point, I was a deceptive, thieving child, so I knew I was a sinner!   I finally decided I’d better get on with heading to heaven with the rest of my family, so I knelt by my bed one night and asked Jesus to save me, and He did.

Wow.  How little I knew what a gift I had been given!  Through the years, I have struggled a lot, and now know that He is a Healer, Comforter, Lover of my soul, etc.! I have four times contemplated ending my life, and He has saved me from that end as well.

Key moments in my past:

• Being a missionary kid in Africa (Democratic Republic of Congo) for 2 1/2 years.
• Serving with Child Evangelism Fellowship teaching kids about Jesus, even as a summer missionary in high school
• Rebelling in my teen years with an immoral, physically and verbally abusive relationship with a young man
• Serving as a Sunday School teacher, song leader for kids, Vacation Bible School teacher and director, Awana Cubbies leader, as well as a missionary storyteller.
• A year of Bible College.
• Wife for 23 years in a dysfunctional relationship.
• A severe depressive episode in my late 20’s.
• Mom of 3 kids: two boys and a girl.
• Prayer ministries
• Divorce
• Earning a teaching degree
• Homelessness (living in a friend’s room for 4 months with my stuff in storage as I struggled to be employed)
• Counseling, spiritual deliverance counseling, and Celebrate Recovery steps.
• Becoming a special education teacher.

My biggest struggle was my marriage.  God used it in a big way to mold me and grow me into who I am today.  I allowed that circumstance to create a mess in me–codependency (me losing myself thinking I had to serve someone else–in an unhealthy manner) and passivity to the point of allowing someone else to control my self-worth.  As the marriage ended in divorce, God used that to help me break and repent.  I finally completely yielded to Him, allowing Him to show me who I am (my self-worth), and what my purpose is (what He has created me to be and do).

Since then, I am being taught to hear the Lord, follow the Lord (using boldness), and let go of things that distract me from Him ruling my life. I am now experiencing JOY–and becoming what my name has prophesied all these years!

So…all that has led to the journey I’m on now!